Waiting...

         Patience.....patience........and PATIENCES....... please let me and him be patient before our meeting day arrive. You said you'll be giving me a surprise. I hope this surprise will make smile like old times in front of you once again. And I hope this surprise you mentioned din't lost. Anyway, I too have a surprise for you on that day but I guess my surprise won't make you happy but still I want to give you the surprise.

         Still have 21 days to go before arriving to that day but my heart already pounded rapidly every second of waiting to that day. I can't wait to see you again. Please be patience and don't fade your love for me till my  surprise comes in front of you. Please ....... I won't let you down again, I promise.

        Sorry that things got changed. However, I'll always respect your decision no matter how I disagree them. I truly hope to see your smile again although from a long distance. Sorry for breaking promise that I won't cry . It isn't that I wanna cry in front of you and your friend but just breaking up is not what I expected and wanted. Remembered once you told me to have hope and have faith in myself, I doubt that when you told me so but when I truly wanted to so, you broke up all my hope and faith. I don't blame you for what had happened because I bear a larger responsibility that brought us to this situation.

         I still remembered that you and I can last this relationship so long is due to one thing, that is speaking the truth to each other but since when this policy changed? I wonder if you ever tell all the truth to me, will our ending changed? but now that is not important any more cause our ending is fixed.

        I owe you a thank you I suppose for adoring me past one and the half year. Thank you for all you have done, I'm gratitude already. You've done well in your part.Thanks~

Past & Present

              Past~ I was enjoying my lifestyle that I can sense the sweetness people around me. It feels good and gave me hope that this world would have better changes. I can feel wolf and my beloved parents. Holding his hands, hugging him, kissing him and lied on his body makes me feel better when I'm intended to give up. Feeling these actually need to pay a very a high price for it and I'm wondering how much does he sacrificed for me already? Although I may not the truth answer even till the last day of my life but I'm sure that it won't be smaller than the sacrifices than other people or maybe it is nearly equal to my parents, I presume. Wolf may be a good secret keeper but that mean he can hide it forever especially not in front of me. Wolf may have poor past in his life but I can assure you that you're better than mine in comparison and if  you ever felt I'm better than you then I shall be your future to make you feel that my past is better.

Once imagined it to be good;past had too many disappointments.This taste of loneliness,Heaven and I know. Events too joyful need to change multiple times;realized the meaning of cherishing.Too many disappointments;try once again.The reluctance to part,should not degrade.
I've already missed events that I care the most about,unlimited times. Please let me say my heartfelt words, seriously to you. 


             Present~ Being alone again in my lifestyle. Although I din't regret of giving each other a cold war period but I'm still missing the good old days. Anyway, cold war must be done someday by someone too cause I know that I really pushes too hard till he is in trouble yet I din't let him relieve but increases his trouble for my own incapability. And yet his family especially closest to him sense that if he still don't break up with me,he'll be in great trouble that's why they kept asking breaking in this relationship so, if one of us need to make a decision let it be me for I know he wouldn't hurt me no matter what will be happening. Hope this won't change your love for me although I can't sense you any more,heart broken. Its been three days that we have lost connection even I've try hard enough to stay connect in but seems I've been failing to do so. I've text but I just had a simple reply that makes me feel cooler when I'm with wolf, I can't barely sense the heat that wolf should have given to everyone around him. 

Weak

                      This lately getting weaker and weaker. Aunt cooked his dinner and ask me to invite wolf for it but I even call my wolf,I also don't have the courage...wai wai was so disappointed worst is bringing dog hiking already very tiring yet now I'm ill, what am I suppose to do? Still don't have the courage to tell him or actually I don't know whether I should tell him or not? Or I can't sense him any more already? Did he lost the last 50 percent of his love to me already? That's why I can't feel or sense him around me any more?


      God,if you really exist, please let show me a way to 'litch' where I can see hope again.....


      Ever since cold war with wolf, I'm so hurt till my heart is weakened. Yet I don't know when only it heals or it will never heals? Hurts physically, mentally and my heart...Wolf told me to take care this morning but I'm wondering how am I suppose to take care of myself when I'm already flu,cough,sore throat and fever...and what will wolf do if he knew this? Probably nothing in this cold war period ba....