Weak

                      This lately getting weaker and weaker. Aunt cooked his dinner and ask me to invite wolf for it but I even call my wolf,I also don't have the courage...wai wai was so disappointed worst is bringing dog hiking already very tiring yet now I'm ill, what am I suppose to do? Still don't have the courage to tell him or actually I don't know whether I should tell him or not? Or I can't sense him any more already? Did he lost the last 50 percent of his love to me already? That's why I can't feel or sense him around me any more?


      God,if you really exist, please let show me a way to 'litch' where I can see hope again.....


      Ever since cold war with wolf, I'm so hurt till my heart is weakened. Yet I don't know when only it heals or it will never heals? Hurts physically, mentally and my heart...Wolf told me to take care this morning but I'm wondering how am I suppose to take care of myself when I'm already flu,cough,sore throat and fever...and what will wolf do if he knew this? Probably nothing in this cold war period ba....

Problems or troubles?

                Is it that really that much problems and troubles between us? Since when we lack of trust or faith in each other? I don't know yours but mine is started when we're in Mid Valley. I remembered that you lie when we're looking to wedding promotion,the ring on your finger... Like I told you, it isn't that I not noticed that it wasn't my name craved on that ring or I can't sense that your heart contained else but not me, it is just I just don't wanna spill it out till you rather want to tell or till you ready to tell me.... If you'll have tell me sooner maybe that I can know that you have faith in me but you just can't put up your mind,huh? Just like now? Struggling between your family and I?


              If what I expressed cause you misery I would rather keep it inside me so that it will not affect our relationship which is already poor enough. I think you too did the same thing right? to prevent from hurting me. However, when you kept something from me, I will know that you're hiding something cause your emotions betrayed you or they just din't wanna hide when you're with me. The only thing I kept from you is a secret and you'll soon find out when we're married... But I can guarantee you that when you know my little secret, you'll surely laugh till no need to sleep the whole night for I'm being silly all the time for the things I shouldn't.

Upside down

         Its been awhile since I update my post or reading other's post. Its been complicated this lately that every part of my life seems like going upside down.Is it my problem that cause everything to change around me?Probably,yes.I'm imperfect till everyone around me suffers that they rather dump me throw away this miserable feelings.Sorry for causing so much trouble in your life.My heart still aches even if we didn't broke up because I know that it will changes our feelings towards our relationship and it will not go back like how we just started.I'm selfish am I not? to hold what it doesn't belong to me,to grab what I shouldn't.... Will you still hate me? or you would rather let me go just to think that my future is better off without you? 


          What's happening to me? Is it my fault for making my relationship so poor? Am I that creepy? Should we meet more so we could understand each other better or let it be?I need guidance from you,wolf