Past & Present

              Past~ I was enjoying my lifestyle that I can sense the sweetness people around me. It feels good and gave me hope that this world would have better changes. I can feel wolf and my beloved parents. Holding his hands, hugging him, kissing him and lied on his body makes me feel better when I'm intended to give up. Feeling these actually need to pay a very a high price for it and I'm wondering how much does he sacrificed for me already? Although I may not the truth answer even till the last day of my life but I'm sure that it won't be smaller than the sacrifices than other people or maybe it is nearly equal to my parents, I presume. Wolf may be a good secret keeper but that mean he can hide it forever especially not in front of me. Wolf may have poor past in his life but I can assure you that you're better than mine in comparison and if  you ever felt I'm better than you then I shall be your future to make you feel that my past is better.

Once imagined it to be good;past had too many disappointments.This taste of loneliness,Heaven and I know. Events too joyful need to change multiple times;realized the meaning of cherishing.Too many disappointments;try once again.The reluctance to part,should not degrade.
I've already missed events that I care the most about,unlimited times. Please let me say my heartfelt words, seriously to you. 


             Present~ Being alone again in my lifestyle. Although I din't regret of giving each other a cold war period but I'm still missing the good old days. Anyway, cold war must be done someday by someone too cause I know that I really pushes too hard till he is in trouble yet I din't let him relieve but increases his trouble for my own incapability. And yet his family especially closest to him sense that if he still don't break up with me,he'll be in great trouble that's why they kept asking breaking in this relationship so, if one of us need to make a decision let it be me for I know he wouldn't hurt me no matter what will be happening. Hope this won't change your love for me although I can't sense you any more,heart broken. Its been three days that we have lost connection even I've try hard enough to stay connect in but seems I've been failing to do so. I've text but I just had a simple reply that makes me feel cooler when I'm with wolf, I can't barely sense the heat that wolf should have given to everyone around him. 

Weak

                      This lately getting weaker and weaker. Aunt cooked his dinner and ask me to invite wolf for it but I even call my wolf,I also don't have the courage...wai wai was so disappointed worst is bringing dog hiking already very tiring yet now I'm ill, what am I suppose to do? Still don't have the courage to tell him or actually I don't know whether I should tell him or not? Or I can't sense him any more already? Did he lost the last 50 percent of his love to me already? That's why I can't feel or sense him around me any more?


      God,if you really exist, please let show me a way to 'litch' where I can see hope again.....


      Ever since cold war with wolf, I'm so hurt till my heart is weakened. Yet I don't know when only it heals or it will never heals? Hurts physically, mentally and my heart...Wolf told me to take care this morning but I'm wondering how am I suppose to take care of myself when I'm already flu,cough,sore throat and fever...and what will wolf do if he knew this? Probably nothing in this cold war period ba....

Problems or troubles?

                Is it that really that much problems and troubles between us? Since when we lack of trust or faith in each other? I don't know yours but mine is started when we're in Mid Valley. I remembered that you lie when we're looking to wedding promotion,the ring on your finger... Like I told you, it isn't that I not noticed that it wasn't my name craved on that ring or I can't sense that your heart contained else but not me, it is just I just don't wanna spill it out till you rather want to tell or till you ready to tell me.... If you'll have tell me sooner maybe that I can know that you have faith in me but you just can't put up your mind,huh? Just like now? Struggling between your family and I?


              If what I expressed cause you misery I would rather keep it inside me so that it will not affect our relationship which is already poor enough. I think you too did the same thing right? to prevent from hurting me. However, when you kept something from me, I will know that you're hiding something cause your emotions betrayed you or they just din't wanna hide when you're with me. The only thing I kept from you is a secret and you'll soon find out when we're married... But I can guarantee you that when you know my little secret, you'll surely laugh till no need to sleep the whole night for I'm being silly all the time for the things I shouldn't.