原来我还是将差劲

老公，我不懂你什么时候会看到这个部咯各或许你永远都不会看到。老公吖，其实我很容易吃醋也很自私。每次看到你跟别人在一起而不理我，我会很难受只是没说出来因为我知道老公在忙应该忙的事可是老公打乒乓时我就完全没关心你的机会了。老公也知道自己粗心大意也没怎样会一直留意我，就算那时我跟老公打球，拾球时不小心把拍打去自己的头时，老公完全不知情 。我很痛也不敢说出口因为答应了老公我不会哭也不会乱发脾气。老公说很介意我标记照片可我只是对言我对老公的承诺而已，不隐瞒你任何事罢了。我没留意到老公星期五出状况是我不好但老公也不笑了好几天吖。我不是没东西烦的人知识不想在老公面前多说因为我知道老公听不进耳 也不会有兴趣。我烦心不告诉老公难道是错吗？老公没做工，没收入，我完全没怪过老公反而我很努力的找工就是不想让老公太大压力也不想成为老公的负担，难道老公看不出吗？然而我做工还要顾及功课跟assignment还要面对那些老师，唯独跟老公在一起我才觉得好过些却偏偏不能黏着你。我会介意吃醋你对你兄弟的好是因为你觉得没陪到他们是错的但你不觉得没陪到我是不对。老公说刚刚说是我的错，说那些话可老公有想过为什么我会将说吗？这几天我们都忙考试跟assignment的事了，没想到我叔这时候不舒服而又碰到老公跟爸吵架。我已经忙东忙西了，老公还闷闷不乐。这个早上你完全没理会过我，只是点头一下就没说什么了而且还是不笑。我心情已经很难受了难道还要面对这样的你吗？还要我想办法去哄你吗？我真的很累。我已经很努力在改了，我没的打乒乓，没的黏着你，没的跟你聊天还要面对这些，我还能笑的出吗？你可以信息举熊可你没信息我，当我知道我也没出声。其实我很想说我很介意。我自问我负起的烦绝对不比老公少，只是我也想发泄，想要人陪。姑姑说了如果叔真的进医院或疗养院我跟豆豆能付多少，钱的问题有振加了。不说不代表没事，只是明白就算老公懂了也帮不了什么忙，不如干脆不让你知道，你也不必为此烦心。我担心老公的情绪担心到连午饭都没吃。以前任性的我还会做这些吗？如果老公还觉得这样的我不够好那我改，改到你满以为制，可以了吗？

Pain

            Well~ It's time to update you again le. Dear blog, last Sunday I went Genting for trip. I'm so cool and chill but there's no one I can spoke to bout what am I feeling including the pain that I felt since the day you went away. When we reached there is almost noon where we need to register and check in. It is time to unpacked stuff and head for lunch. We played in indoor for awhile before we go dinner. It is a busy day.The next morning we continue to outdoor theme park till eleven morning then we took breakfast. Next we went to strawberry park, harvest some strawberry, have a short walk and then is time to head home. Is nearby four evening when we reached home. It is so tiring and painful these days.

           Actually I shouldn't write in this blog anymore cause I know you will encounter to it. However, this is the only place where I can ease my pain. Even if is a little bit only I also will do it. Hope you already settle your stuff clearly for I won't be by your side anymore. Please take care and be happy for you had left me. I know you mean well wanted us to be separated but as long as you smile, no matter who you are with, that will make me feel better for you gained something at else after you did something poor to others.

             Time passes so soon and is going to mid term. I'm so fear that I cause so many pain to myself and people around. I'm sorry but please don't expect to smile or laugh when I'm in pain. I'm not a clown who doesn't have unhappy stuffs around me. Why all adults are the same, like to dumped and abandoned people when they needed them most. Is so painful and misery.

Fear.

                 I sensed something different lately. I sensed that you're unease and madness. Are you alright? Is it because of me? If yes,I'm sorry but the character that I showed to everyone is just the same that I've shown you when we were fifteen. The talkative and being easy to get mad ,that is the real me, the me that you known.

            This morning I saw her, your dream girl, the second girl that makes you fall in love with her after your first love. I can see that she's ok with everything happening around her including you worked next to her. I also knew that you want go near to her that's why you'll want to stand beside her, by her side. If you really love then tell her about how you feel since you're single already. So what if she already has a boy friend, it doesn't mean that you can't love her for she told you that she regretted for not accepting you. Tell her that you just provide her another option maybe a better choice for her. Please,seek back your true love, the pure love feeling that you once had. And once you have, don't lose it again.

                Today, in college, my ass seek trouble with me again but she failed. As always, I sure humiliate her for troubling me. When I sat with new student, she said I couple with him. Then when I sat in between Brandon and Alex, she said I couple with Brandon. What a funny joke it is? But the funniest of all is when she forced new student to change place, he disagree. Then when I shifted place, I can't believe that she didn't notice at all and when she noticed, she was shocked but I'm happy seeing her showing different expression because of my attitude, it pleases me.

                    What I fear most isn't death, but the one whom I love most left me,abandoned me,left me alone again. I'm so afraid of losing you then when it comes to the time that I've lose you, now what should I fear anymore? Even being death means no nothing, no pain anymore.