Fear.

                 I sensed something different lately. I sensed that you're unease and madness. Are you alright? Is it because of me? If yes,I'm sorry but the character that I showed to everyone is just the same that I've shown you when we were fifteen. The talkative and being easy to get mad ,that is the real me, the me that you known.

            This morning I saw her, your dream girl, the second girl that makes you fall in love with her after your first love. I can see that she's ok with everything happening around her including you worked next to her. I also knew that you want go near to her that's why you'll want to stand beside her, by her side. If you really love then tell her about how you feel since you're single already. So what if she already has a boy friend, it doesn't mean that you can't love her for she told you that she regretted for not accepting you. Tell her that you just provide her another option maybe a better choice for her. Please,seek back your true love, the pure love feeling that you once had. And once you have, don't lose it again.

                Today, in college, my ass seek trouble with me again but she failed. As always, I sure humiliate her for troubling me. When I sat with new student, she said I couple with him. Then when I sat in between Brandon and Alex, she said I couple with Brandon. What a funny joke it is? But the funniest of all is when she forced new student to change place, he disagree. Then when I shifted place, I can't believe that she didn't notice at all and when she noticed, she was shocked but I'm happy seeing her showing different expression because of my attitude, it pleases me.

                    What I fear most isn't death, but the one whom I love most left me,abandoned me,left me alone again. I'm so afraid of losing you then when it comes to the time that I've lose you, now what should I fear anymore? Even being death means no nothing, no pain anymore.

Wonder

               I wonder what are you thinking now? What are you doing now? Did you really hate that much till didn't want to enter college?

         I being me again,back to the old me where teasing people unlimited. I'm being nonsense again but life still need to go on. Maybe my silly wish of time frozen still there but reality usually don't let me daydream or having unnecessary silly wish. Actually I know you still have feelings for her but I didn't admit it only. I've been knowing it all along,just didn't admit it. Maybe I should have thank her because of her presence, you'll love me,adore me and promising me eternity. Anyway,I'm grateful to both of you for coming to my life,giving me experience in my life showing and leading me. Although I don't know what are you thinking or will you still having feelings for me or not but I hope you'll live a better life. Please don't turn yourself upside down.

        If you ever want to say sorry to me,please live your life happily and please don't make other girl cry any more. I know your past but I don't hope that there will be other girl that you'll hurt again. Please make me the last one, hope you'll be happy. :)

Love

               Huh~ Is almost been a month since my last post. I've been working hard on my healing phase and I think it started to work out. I'm feeling so much better than the few weeks of heart broken although I never regretted for what had happened but I guess at least I'm curious of what's lack in me that someone wouldn't love me?

               Love is what is most precious thing to us,human being. Without it,this world will be even cruel than it is now. I starting to understand what love actually is, thanks brother. Other than the love I've always hoped for, there's still other love hidden that I didn't notice at all.

              Besides the intimate love that I've been hoping for, you've shown me something that much more valuable than it, that is our weird but happy relationship. We are not couple but our intimacy are very much alike to couple. Is good that you help me grow in my healing phase. Now I can tell you that I'm off it already so no worries, be happy.

             Recently, I only realise on how stubborn am I on certain question that I did get myself into crying and sad mood. Actually I should be happy bout it since is not all my fault so I don't need to bear all the responsibilities on my own.

             Then I only realise that there's one love that wouldn't change even if I'm bury in the graveyard, that is love of family. That's why I've been, why should drop tears for those already not concern about me any more  I should have be more happy for I've found those who sees my good and willing to share my pain when I'm hurt.

            So this is the end of this page for today. See you soon,blogger. Love chocolates :)