Pain

            Well~ It's time to update you again le. Dear blog, last Sunday I went Genting for trip. I'm so cool and chill but there's no one I can spoke to bout what am I feeling including the pain that I felt since the day you went away. When we reached there is almost noon where we need to register and check in. It is time to unpacked stuff and head for lunch. We played in indoor for awhile before we go dinner. It is a busy day.The next morning we continue to outdoor theme park till eleven morning then we took breakfast. Next we went to strawberry park, harvest some strawberry, have a short walk and then is time to head home. Is nearby four evening when we reached home. It is so tiring and painful these days.

           Actually I shouldn't write in this blog anymore cause I know you will encounter to it. However, this is the only place where I can ease my pain. Even if is a little bit only I also will do it. Hope you already settle your stuff clearly for I won't be by your side anymore. Please take care and be happy for you had left me. I know you mean well wanted us to be separated but as long as you smile, no matter who you are with, that will make me feel better for you gained something at else after you did something poor to others.

             Time passes so soon and is going to mid term. I'm so fear that I cause so many pain to myself and people around. I'm sorry but please don't expect to smile or laugh when I'm in pain. I'm not a clown who doesn't have unhappy stuffs around me. Why all adults are the same, like to dumped and abandoned people when they needed them most. Is so painful and misery.

Fear.

                 I sensed something different lately. I sensed that you're unease and madness. Are you alright? Is it because of me? If yes,I'm sorry but the character that I showed to everyone is just the same that I've shown you when we were fifteen. The talkative and being easy to get mad ,that is the real me, the me that you known.

            This morning I saw her, your dream girl, the second girl that makes you fall in love with her after your first love. I can see that she's ok with everything happening around her including you worked next to her. I also knew that you want go near to her that's why you'll want to stand beside her, by her side. If you really love then tell her about how you feel since you're single already. So what if she already has a boy friend, it doesn't mean that you can't love her for she told you that she regretted for not accepting you. Tell her that you just provide her another option maybe a better choice for her. Please,seek back your true love, the pure love feeling that you once had. And once you have, don't lose it again.

                Today, in college, my ass seek trouble with me again but she failed. As always, I sure humiliate her for troubling me. When I sat with new student, she said I couple with him. Then when I sat in between Brandon and Alex, she said I couple with Brandon. What a funny joke it is? But the funniest of all is when she forced new student to change place, he disagree. Then when I shifted place, I can't believe that she didn't notice at all and when she noticed, she was shocked but I'm happy seeing her showing different expression because of my attitude, it pleases me.

                    What I fear most isn't death, but the one whom I love most left me,abandoned me,left me alone again. I'm so afraid of losing you then when it comes to the time that I've lose you, now what should I fear anymore? Even being death means no nothing, no pain anymore.

Wonder

               I wonder what are you thinking now? What are you doing now? Did you really hate that much till didn't want to enter college?

         I being me again,back to the old me where teasing people unlimited. I'm being nonsense again but life still need to go on. Maybe my silly wish of time frozen still there but reality usually don't let me daydream or having unnecessary silly wish. Actually I know you still have feelings for her but I didn't admit it only. I've been knowing it all along,just didn't admit it. Maybe I should have thank her because of her presence, you'll love me,adore me and promising me eternity. Anyway,I'm grateful to both of you for coming to my life,giving me experience in my life showing and leading me. Although I don't know what are you thinking or will you still having feelings for me or not but I hope you'll live a better life. Please don't turn yourself upside down.

        If you ever want to say sorry to me,please live your life happily and please don't make other girl cry any more. I know your past but I don't hope that there will be other girl that you'll hurt again. Please make me the last one, hope you'll be happy. :)